Dear Life: Stop Stressing

Dear Life,

    I know we haven’t been on entirely pleasant terms. However, could you please consider discontinuing your assault on me. Your unprovoked attacks have left me with many injuries. This constant stream is too much. The mitigated term is stress. A more accurate description is emotional injury. I have tried to play nice. Took what you gave me. I was hardly your main victim. That ends now.

This is absolutely unprecedented. It’s like you are torturing me with a new weapon each week. I’m afraid it’s time to take drastic measures. If you don’t start treating me well; if you don’t stop injuring/stressing me I will be forced to press charges. Don’t think this will be a small suit. I can get some 7 billion witnesses who would love to testify to your cruelty. Consider these comments seriously. If you don’t drastically change your approach to me in the next month, the aforementioned measures will take place.

Jade Wilde

(cosigned: the human race)