What Happens In Dating: Rules for Dating

What Happens In Dating

By: Adia Thornton

Forward

This is a compilation of experiences with men. I interviewed several women to find out their perspective on the delicate dance we do while engaging with men. I wanted to create a comrade between the women who read this and the stories and opinions in it. Without a doubt there is something in here to relate to. Whether it’s bad dates, great guys, what you look for in a guy, what makes you high tail it out, the things that they say that hurt our feelings and all the little protocols we developed on how to date. Basically the double edged sword of relationships. Remember your own experiences as you read and have fun.

Rules for Dating

1. Dress for the occasion.

    subpoint a: Don’t dress too nice. It makes it awkward and sends the message of

high maintenance.

    subpoint b: Don’t dress too casually. Equally awkward and sends the message of

        sloppiness.

    Dressing well and situation appropriate makes for a good impression.

2. Laugh at their jokes.

        subpoint a: We all tend to think our wit is brilliant and superior. The first few dates
            is not the best time to inform them otherwise.
        subpoint b: Maybe it’s best to always laugh at their jokes. Laughing makes things
            easier and you don’t hurt their feelings.

3. Don’t order crab or ribs.

        subpoint a: Men appreciate a woman with an appetite. The catch twenty-two is
            there is nothing sexy about watching you go to war with your food.

4. Know your audience and behave accordingly

        subpoint a: It’s true in any social situation. If you behave completely out of turn
            you run the risk of being dropped like a hot potato.
        subpoint b: Stay classy, it’s a good rule of thumb.

5. Keep conversations light for first dates.

        subpoint a: Politics, religion, and sex are all very important subjects...not for any
            budding relationship. We get way too passionate about it.

6. Don’t talk about your ex.

        subpoint a: A date/relationship only works with two people. Bringing a third one

into the mix will doom it. Three’s a crowd.

7. Stay polite and cordial.

        subpoint a: This is along the same lines as rule 4. You never know when you

might run into them again.

8. Don’t let the conversation falter.

        subpoint a: There is natural discomfort in the whole dating process, it’s nerve

racking. That’s why we tend to date over dinner or coffee; there are

things to hold and stir.

        subpoint b: If you run out of things to talk about on the first date it may be an

indicator of your shared-destiny, indicating you don’t have one.

9. Avoid giving your complete autobiography.

        subpoint a: It’s important to be open and vulnerable in a relationship. However, it

is important to maintain a bit of mystery.

        subpoint b: Odds are it’s also very boring to hear someone’s life story in its

entirety.

10. Don’t be perfect.

        subpoint a: I have been on dates with many perfect guys, and nothing is quite so

attractive as narcissism.

        subpoint b: Unless you are some species other than human, you have flaws. So

the pretension is obnoxious.

Who I Am

    

Identity: the state of being oneself and not another. People spend years trying to find this concept for themselves. The reason it’s so difficult to uncover is who we are is always in flux. Arbitrary traits and characteristics do nothing to define us. Rarely do we embody one at all times. A happy disposition doesn’t negate the ownership of personal sadness. What was yesterday, might not be today.

 My identity, who I am, is not something I can articulate in a few choice words. It’s too contradictory, expansive, and personal; and I don’t know of any words, in any language, that can capture a persons soul. So who am I?

I can give you a few meaningless phrases and words:

 
Passionate
Introverted
Social
Easy-going
Believer in “Carpe Diam”
Intelligent
Kind
Writer
Artist
Dancer
Student
Teacher

Pugnacious
Sister
Daughter
Grand-daughter
Sinner
Saint
Strong-willed
Flawed

Unfortunately this isn’t accurate. I simply am.
I simply am.

How To: Get Your Car Fixed for Cheap

How To: Get Your Car Fixed for Cheap

    Whoever said it was a man’s world has no idea how easy it is to be a woman.Yes, perhaps you could say it’s an exploitation of my gender but hey, it’s a dog eat dog world. If batting my eyes gets me 45% off a plasma tv it would be insanity to ignore access to that type of discount. Some people have charisma, some use intimidation as their weapon for manipulation. I and all other women have breasts, and let me tell you it’s more powerful than the others combined.
    It’s odd that breasts have such awesome power. Half the population has them. You would imagine that there would be some sort of tolerance. Like when you spend enough time in a cold lake you no longer feel the chill. Yet all men are rendered helpless at a mere glimpse of them.
    Invest in silicone or a good bra, you’ll find it pays for itself. Breasts are what fix cars for cheap.

What Makes a 10 (Woman)

    Did you know we subconsciously try to pair with the most attractive mate possible. It’s quantified by a study, the researcher stripped all subjects of any overly attractive and sexual aspects. He then randomly placed numbers 1-10 on each subject’s head. Then the 10 men and 10 women were asked to pair off with the highest number who would have them. They never varied more than a single digit. This is how we try to find a partner in life. We start with aspirations for a 10 and gradually go down from there.
    Note: In general we are not completely aware of our own level of sexual allure. We tend to rate ourselves several points higher than reality.
   
    So for a moment pretend you are a 10 (and a guy if you’re not). What makes a your match “good enough” for you. What is the perfect, ideal woman.

    Eyes: Alexis Bledel’s eyes. Dang don’t they look photoshopped.

Nose: Rachel Mcadams

Chin: Ok here is my girl crush...well one of them. Understand my difficulty here, I want to put her down for just about everything. Keira Knightly

Cheeks: Ok I love her too. Why can’t I look like these women! Kristen Kreuk

Lips: Like there was any doubt who would personify the best of this trait. Scarlett Johanssen
 

Chest: Not to be groddy here. Again love her. Mila Kunis. (I’m straight I swear.)

Waist: One of the original sex symbols, Brigitte Bardot

Hips: Her hips don’t lie and are the ideal by most standards. Shakira (please whatever higher power is out there let me move and look like her).

Legs: She had to be on here. She is almost perfection on her own. The one, the only, Audrey Hepburn.
 

    So if you happen to have all these traits, congratulations! You are a 10 (know I silently hate you if you are-just kidding-kind of)!

If you want a woman like this check out my next post to see what your anatomical breakdown is for perfection.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope all of you find the perfect match physically and mentally.

Rebellion; Man's only Virtue

    Table manners, internet etiquette, phone etiquette, traffic signs, school, social gatherings, parenting, government, and religion; what do these and every facet of our world have in common? They all expect obedience to their rules and regulations; with some having harsh consequence for deviation. This trait of society is not quarantined to the x or y generation but it spans to the beginning of civilization. HG Wells authored a book, The Outline of History, in it he asserts that early civilizations were “communities of obedience.” Expectation for obedience began early and begins young. Benjamin Franklin counsels “Let thy child’s first lesson be obedience, the second may be what thou wilt.” Milgrim’s Agency Theory divides obedience into different forms: obedience to laws, social norms, government, church, God, spouse, parent, and managers in a works place. Every sphere of human life falls into one of these categories and from a very young age we’ve been taught the expectations, and that transgression will be met with stringent consequences. In contrast to the strict rules and the adherence to them man has for reality, is how in film, literature, and history we revere the rebels.
   
 Milgrim and Zimbardo explored the nature of human obedience with two different studies. Under the pretense of a learning experiment Milgrim found that despite ethical and moral violations people still obeyed authority and “caused” pain for the volunteers. Further in Stanford Prison experiment people committed brutal acts of violence because they were conforming to social roles and obeying expectation. These studies reveal the basic obedient nature of humans.   
 
   James Dean, the Rebel without a Cause, has been immortalized in pop culture. He is smiled on for the same things we ostracize people in our own community for. Why do we respect the fantasy rebellions? Star Wars one of the most iconic films revolves around the rebellion against the empire (disobedience to government). In real life we find behavior like this abhorrent and in contradiction to our nature but on the big screen we want nothing more than to exercise the same independence, strength, and ultimately disobedience the fictional characters do.

    These discrepancies in social ideals are especially confounding when media is so inextricable from society. A debate rages on whether media simply reflects societal ideals or influences it.  “Media Now: Understanding Media, Culture, and Technology,” by Joseph Straubhaar, Robert Larose, and Lucinda Davenport discusses the validity of both sides and that the truth is irrelevant because the intense relationship between media and society is there. When aware of this tie it’s especially odd when in cinema we cheer for rebels like James Dean or Veronica Mars when they stand up and disrespect authority and rules, yet punish and expect punishment for the very same behavior for peers or our youth.

    This respect for rebellion is in the written word as well. The most respected pieces in literary history often have socially defiant airs in the characters, rhetoric and theme. “To Kill a Mockingbird,” represented all of these aims. To name characters so widely adored as “Scout” and Atticus Finch would be difficult. The reason these characters are so well received is their devotion to the truth. They were disobedient to every social, southern truth and yet we view them as heroes. Rhetorically, Harper Lee, disregards his fictitious public and their expectations with the books aim to increase tolerance and thematically it criticizes society and asks readers to also rebel if the morally it calls for it.

     More than fiction, once time passes rebels are immortalized and respected. Name every prominent person in history that is respected and you will find them to have been rebels in some way. Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, Joan of Arc, George Washington, Thomas Paine, Martin Luther, Martin Luther King Jr., and Abraham Lincoln all are examples of history remembering the rebels. Our entire country is based on rebellion and disobedience to expectations. “Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man’s only virtue. It has been through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion,” Oscar Wilde.

    It’s best to describe these contradictions as the difference between human nature and our higher ideals. Innately our world revolves around obedience. The expectations man has for itself restricts behavior. Disobedience to these rules and regulations is however man’s greatest quality. As Oscar Wilde asserts, disobedience leads to the greatest achievements of our time. Only when stepping out of society’s cages are the most beautiful creations and when the most admirable traits of man occur. The respect we have for historical and fictional rebel is the reflection of these truths.

Psychoanalysis

    The girl walked in she was timid and conservatively dressed. Based on first impressions she was the ideal version of a woman. However, her mere presence suggested there was something sinister brewing within her. She stood awkwardly in the center of the room, she felt him appraising her. She hoped his genius wasn’t understated, perhaps he could diagnose her right there. She would be saved from the embarrassment of having to divulge her...symptoms. She silently begged him to speak. A dismissal, a question, even an awkward filler word like ummm.
    Her prayers were answered when the silver bespectacled man cleared his throat.
    “Sit, please. We have much to discuss.”
    “Yes sir,” her voice was barely audible.
    “Why don’t you tell me what’s been the problem. Perhaps we will find a clue to your condition.”
    She launched into a story recounting her trouble sleeping, her lack of interest in domestication. How she dreamed of traveling the world and she felt no attraction to the opposite gender. She described what is was like to grow up without a mother and how at school she wanted to study physics (a controversial field for a young woman).

    “Interesting, you have a very intriguing case,” Dr Freud stroked his beard. “Would you describe to me your last dream.”
    So she did.
    “Oh it was very vivid. I was riding a unicorn through stonehenge...
    He took notes of everything she said.
    He closed his book.
    “Your case is one of the most debilitating I have ever seen. You have classic female hysteria attacking any sense of your gender,” he scolded her as one would a small child.

    “I really don’t feel it’s that serious. I just have trouble sleeping.”

    “Child it’s much more serious than that. You see there is this thing called the Electra Complex. As a child you developed an sexual attraction to your father, in a normal environment this would have caused feelings of anger and resentment towards your mother. You would begin to compete with her for your father’s affection. This is how most young women develop their domestic sensibilities. You never had to compete. So you never developed those female qualities.”

    “I really am securely female. I’m not here because I feel that to be lacking. I simply would like to sleep with ease.”
    He continued without responding to her assertion.

    “Even more disturbing is the lack of competition has seemed to deterred you from finding male approval other than your father as you have never been attracted to one...”

    “Well I suppose I misphrased that. I have never found a man I wish to marry. There have been plenty I have found attractive.”
    Again it falls on deaf ears.

    “This must be treated immediately. Your hysteria has reached dangerous levels as indicated by the latent meaning behind your dreams. Phalluses are primary components. Unicorn horn, the Eifel Tower, Leaning Tower of Pisa...”

    She screamed in frustration, “Phalluses!? It was just a freaking tower! Doesn’t that indicate my desire to travel.”

    “Frankly, your subconscious’ preoccupation with the male organ is cause for great concern. If it continues your Super ego may not be able to control your Id’s basal urges.”

     "Return next week so we may best cure your afflictions."
     The young maiden left. Shaking her head in dismay. Someone clearly exaggerated something about this man. 





   

No Win Scenerio

    You’ll never win. You’ve got these flashing lights. Sirens. And screams echoing in your head. You are going down. And there is absolutely no chance you’ll make it out ok. You can’t trick your way out of it. The real world is everybody’s Kobayashi Maru.

    When you were younger you thought you had a chance in this world. Disney prepared you for rainbows. Then you thought you had real life examples of success and happiness. Yeah they’re screwed too. Addicted to pain pills. Wife took everything but the dog...wait took that too. A zealous religious leader aka closet homosexual. Everyone has their poison.

    Your life is a game to someone, that’s the only explanation.
Somewhere in the cosmos someone rolled a six.
Moved the you shaped piece.
Picked a chance card...
Woot! A relatively kind card.
Loose the 3 most important people at school.
Emotional Stability 80%-Physical Stability 100%
Rolled a two.
Repeat previous steps.
Oh shoot now you can’t dance because you’ve lost too much weight. Sucks to be you but hey this is all for fun.
ES-67%-PS-75%
Rolled a 4
How does getting kicked out sound?

    What’s worse is that in our reality the constant blows can’t be blocked or deflected. You are stuck with all of this and it will always be something else. You can’t even mentally prepare for the worst.

Being the cynic that you are you expected heartache-it still took you by surprise when it happened.
You learn you can’t rely on anyone but yourself-that moment you’ve been left alone to your own devises is devastating.
   
    It all just sucks. The real world knocks you down and beats you till you can’t see. It’s almost better to think it’s for someone’s amusement.

How to Get Over a Guy/Girl in 10 Days

You’ve  had your heart broken? We all have been there and unfortunately being just a teenager you will likely experience it again. The truth is you’re never prepared to have your heart trampled. It always comes as a surprise, which is why it’s so hard to deal with. No one wants to be caught pinning. It comes off as pathetic and Bella-esque. Avoid this by getting over it ASAP. 10 days. 10 days is all it takes to get over the ass who broke your heart.

Disclaimer: Results may vary. Depending on the relationship you may only appear to be over it.

Night of Break-Up: Wallow. This is the only time you can do this. Cry, eat a pint of ice cream and watch An Affair to Remember.

Day 1: Get up and wash your sheets. You really don’t want to sleep on a pillow stale with your tears. This also keeps you moving, which is crucial. While the laundry is going grab a box from your garage. This shall be your Insert Ex’s Name Box. Fill this with things that will be associated with your ex. Pictures, gifts, books or movies you both watched, clothes you wore in their presence; pretty much anything that will make you think about them. Then put it in the far corner of the garage. You’ll want that stuff when you’re less angry.

Then go out. Don’t come home until you have laughed till you cry.

Day 2: Go hangout with friends today. Especially the ones you may have inadvertently neglected in your relationship. Have fun, reconnect, and bitch. Just bitch about everything you can’t stand in the world. Bitch about actors, movies, politics, family, friends, and above all else the jerk who broke your heart. Don’t talk about how you miss him/her. Talk about how you couldn’t stand how s/he wouldn’t respond to you. Talk about how they were a terrible kisser. Talk about how stupid they were and you always had to repeat yourself.

Day 3: After today you will look hot! I mean it. From dawn till dusk it’s about you and your vanity. This is normally very bad behavior. It’s true looks aren’t everything but after serious rejection you need to build yourself up. So get your hair done. Buy a new outfit. Go get your make-up professionally done then buy the stuff to do it. The sky's the limit, do anything you can think of that will make you squeal in delight about how absolutely awesome you are.

*Disclaimer: this can be an expensive step.

Day 4: Now you look amazing. Go mingle. You don’t need to find a soul mate just meet new people. Maybe a cutie that you can start talking/flirting with.

Day 5: About here is where you start hurting again. You’ve felt good but now you miss them and you want them back. Again avoid the Bella.

Rarely does getting back together work. Unless your name is Ross or Rachel it’s not going to happen. Maybe in a few years when you’ve both matured (Hey that’s what Ross and Rachel did). Getting back together just stalls moving on. There is a reason you broke up. That reason didn’t disappear in 5 days. Here is where you bitch again, but this time it’s to them. Write a letter about how much they suck. Embed that into your memory. They are bottom feeders and you deserve at least a step above that. Then burn the letter because who doesn’t love playing with fire.

Day 6: Be happy today. Just happy, don’t force it but allow yourself to be happy. Play and rejoice in life.

*This is an acknowledgement of how corny that just sounded.

Day 7: Ask that person who you’ve always thought is kind of cute. Ask an acquaintance who you know is just fun; ask them on a date. No pressure to have it grow into a relationship, it’s just a date. They’ll say yes because remember how hot you look.

Day 8: Go on said date. It’s a lot of fun to learn about someone and connect with them. What’s really cool about this is sense it’s all new you’re both on your best behavior and they treat you so much better than your ex.

This date will go one of two ways. One, you guys really hit it off and you go home and dance in your room about the great guy/girl that said they want to do it again. Two, they’re a dud. You get a red flag or two. Like they don’t like making eye contact (true story). The relationship doesn’t even begin this is just as well because now you’re picking up on behaviors you don’t like and discerning a spark from wanting to be with someone.

Day 9: Today is the day you interact a bit with your ex. You have classes together, mutual friends, you work together, or you go to the same place to get your morning caffeine. What you do here, is interact with them like an old friend. There is no contempt and no flirting, it’s just a meaningless conversation. You look classy and you can prove to yourself their diminished (hopefully a lot) hold on your heart.

Day 10: Go grab your box and take out the things you still want that doesn’t hurt you too much. Acknowledge you were together and you cared for him/her. Then remember how much fun and how much you’ve experienced without them. Put what’s left away in the garage for the next few months. Then continue on with your life and do what makes you really happy.

My Audition for Saturday Morning Cartoon

I was walking down the hallway minding my own business when all of a sudden my reality became 2D and very similar to a Loony Toon episode. A malicious banana saw me coming and disguised itself as the floor. My foot came in contact and I slid down the hallway. Then banana's buddy milk agitated my tail spin. I fell to the floor and life was three-dimensional again...in the middle of the high school hallway.