Psychoanalysis

    The girl walked in she was timid and conservatively dressed. Based on first impressions she was the ideal version of a woman. However, her mere presence suggested there was something sinister brewing within her. She stood awkwardly in the center of the room, she felt him appraising her. She hoped his genius wasn’t understated, perhaps he could diagnose her right there. She would be saved from the embarrassment of having to divulge her...symptoms. She silently begged him to speak. A dismissal, a question, even an awkward filler word like ummm.
    Her prayers were answered when the silver bespectacled man cleared his throat.
    “Sit, please. We have much to discuss.”
    “Yes sir,” her voice was barely audible.
    “Why don’t you tell me what’s been the problem. Perhaps we will find a clue to your condition.”
    She launched into a story recounting her trouble sleeping, her lack of interest in domestication. How she dreamed of traveling the world and she felt no attraction to the opposite gender. She described what is was like to grow up without a mother and how at school she wanted to study physics (a controversial field for a young woman).

    “Interesting, you have a very intriguing case,” Dr Freud stroked his beard. “Would you describe to me your last dream.”
    So she did.
    “Oh it was very vivid. I was riding a unicorn through stonehenge...
    He took notes of everything she said.
    He closed his book.
    “Your case is one of the most debilitating I have ever seen. You have classic female hysteria attacking any sense of your gender,” he scolded her as one would a small child.

    “I really don’t feel it’s that serious. I just have trouble sleeping.”

    “Child it’s much more serious than that. You see there is this thing called the Electra Complex. As a child you developed an sexual attraction to your father, in a normal environment this would have caused feelings of anger and resentment towards your mother. You would begin to compete with her for your father’s affection. This is how most young women develop their domestic sensibilities. You never had to compete. So you never developed those female qualities.”

    “I really am securely female. I’m not here because I feel that to be lacking. I simply would like to sleep with ease.”
    He continued without responding to her assertion.

    “Even more disturbing is the lack of competition has seemed to deterred you from finding male approval other than your father as you have never been attracted to one...”

    “Well I suppose I misphrased that. I have never found a man I wish to marry. There have been plenty I have found attractive.”
    Again it falls on deaf ears.

    “This must be treated immediately. Your hysteria has reached dangerous levels as indicated by the latent meaning behind your dreams. Phalluses are primary components. Unicorn horn, the Eifel Tower, Leaning Tower of Pisa...”

    She screamed in frustration, “Phalluses!? It was just a freaking tower! Doesn’t that indicate my desire to travel.”

    “Frankly, your subconscious’ preoccupation with the male organ is cause for great concern. If it continues your Super ego may not be able to control your Id’s basal urges.”

     "Return next week so we may best cure your afflictions."
     The young maiden left. Shaking her head in dismay. Someone clearly exaggerated something about this man.